


All in Good Humor

by PrincessSteve



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: F/M, Iron Bull is a shit, Iron Bull is a tease and quizzy is frustration, Just a self indulgent little bit, Krem POV, quizzy is itty bitty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-10
Updated: 2018-07-10
Packaged: 2019-06-08 11:07:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,327
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15242025
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PrincessSteve/pseuds/PrincessSteve
Summary: When the Inquisitor flirts, Bull feigns obliviousness. Teasing is all good and fun, but a lion waits. Short, sweet, and complete.





	All in Good Humor

**Author's Note:**

> This is just a short little bit of self-indulgence I wrote a few years ago and realized I'd never posted. Has been edited for readability but otherwise still in its original state. Krem is a darling little shit head and I love him.

The Inquisitor is tiny. It's the first thing he noticed about her. Well, one of the first things. The actual thing he noticed about her first (back when she was still just the Herald and he hadn't even known that when she wandered over to him and asked what he needed) is that she is very, very pretty. Sad looking, but pretty. The Inquisition's lucky really. Tout and puff about faith all they want the fact of the matter is they're going to have a far easier time pushing a pretty human noble onto Orlais than anyone else – mage or not. 

Right now, though, standing at an easy rest in front of the Bull with her arms folded behind her back, Krem notices that she's tiny. Anyone would be next to Bull, but she seems especially so. Her head topped in delicately arranged deep red curls barely reaches his chest and he's as broad as two of her. It makes the entire situation even more hilarious.

Krem rearranges himself, leaning his weight heavily on the wall behind his chair with feet planted in the actual seat of the thing. It wasn't the most comfortable, but it afforded him view of the entire tavern. He'd been attacked in places like this too many times to let his guard down, even in the apparently safe Skyhold. Bar fights sucked – there was no way around it. Space was usually cramped, confined by heavy wooden chairs and tables built specifically to take a beating from drunks, and it was more likely than not that some drunken ass would throw himself into the fray. Then you had to deal with both your attacker and making sure idiots didn't get themselves killed. Better to keep an eye on things and be prepared. 

At the moment, however, his eyes were unabashedly on the tiny Inquisitor standing at rest in front of Bull as she spoke to him. He was sprawled out across his own chair, legs stretched out in front of him and arms flung wide, attention on the small redhead although Krem had no doubt that Bull was very aware of his own watching eyes. It was to be expected really. If any of the other Chargers were here they too would be watching with rapt attention as this tiny, pretty human who somehow became a figurehead for Andrastians across Thedas tried to and became increasingly frustrated with flirting with the Iron Bull. 

Krem had been uniquely lucky as Bull's second in that he was more or less always nearby when the Herald tried to flirt. From the first attempt (that he knew of) to the current endeavor, he'd been able to watch from a safe but close distance as all her attempts apparently sailed far above Bull's head. He knew better of course, had been working with Bull long enough to realize that the qunari could not possibly be missing her lines and signals. The question wasn't whether he noticed, but rather why he pretended not to. Was he playing with her? Not interested? 

The later seemed particularly unlikely, if only for the hue of the Herald's tight curls. Red. By Andrastate's knickers did he have a thing for red heads. For anyone else that probably wouldn't be enough to convince Krem, but the Bull wasn't picky in any sense of the word – willing to bed anyone when the right mood struck. The color of her hair just made if more likely that the qunari would actively pursue her, rather than waiting for her to come to him as he normally would. Her pretty face and the firey streak a mild wide that tempered her otherwise gentle demeanor only served to seal the deal.

Or so he thought. But the Bull seemed entirely content to play dumb, or oblivious rather, and act as if her increasingly less subtle lines were entirely lost on him.

“I could protect you Bull,” She answered his complaints of demons, really halfhearted grumbles on his part. Bull couldn't have expected not to fight demons after joining up with the Inquisition, what with the hole in the sky shitting them out. Her tone was warm, flirtatious. Anyone listening could tell what she was trying to accomplish.

He shrugged lazily, one corner of his lips turning up slightly despite his obvious attempts not to smirk. “It's alright, I have my sword.”

There was a brief pause in their conversation and Krem rested his elbows on his knees as he continued to watch. He could only see the back of her head, the carefully arranged locks that he absently thought probably required her getting up early to do before her day, but Krem had seen variations of this scene play out between the two of them before and knew full well that she was taken aback. How can he not know? She was probably asking herself. Maybe she thought he was bad at subtlety, maybe that was why her next line was increasingly bold.

Her tone dropped into something huskier and more suggestive as the Inquisitor reached for a clearer line, something to convey her meaning without breaking the rules of decorum someone like her probably breathed from birth. “I can do things your sword can't...” Her voice trailed off and Krem arched a brow.

“Yes, but my sword has a blood grove-”

She didn't wait for him to finish, turning on heel with a badly hidden huff and annoyance clear in her wide eyes. She's small enough that even as she walks in front of his line of vision Krem can clearly see that Bull is enjoying this. Their eyes catch, and Bull grinned broadly, forcing him to pull his lip between his teeth to keep himself from laughing while the Herald was still in earshot. They were laughing at her expense, but she was a good person – sweet in a way that made you feel guilty. It made him hesitant to actively hurt her feelings, to let her know he was laughing at her frustration. It was unspoken but that seemed to be the consensus of nearly the entire population of Skyhold. Once she had left the tavern however, far enough away to either not hear him or at least not be able to distinguish his laughter specifically from the din, all bets were off. He laughed, openly and loudly – aware absently of Bull's darker chuckle joining him. 

“She is going to get tired of trying and move on to someone else-” he warned playfully after a moment to calm his laughter. It was a joke really, although there was some truth to it. He couldn't really tell how interested Bull was, but he could guess. His guess was very. “You should probably stop playing with her, Cullen's been panting after her for weeks.”

Bull snorted, leaning back even more into his chair. “He's a good man, but he can't give her what she needs.”

Krem snorted in response, taking a draw from his mug of cheap ale to disguise his rolling eyes. Bull undoubtedly noticed anyway. “At this point if he gives her anything at all I think it'll be enough.”

“She _wants_ to ride the bull.”

“She wants to ride the bull, but if bull won't let her and the lion will...” Krem trailed off pointedly, looking away.

The qunari frowned slightly, an expression that would probably be too subtle for anyone outside the Chargers. Krem snorted, taking another drink in yet another attempt to disguise his expression. “Just saying,” he spoke slightly into his mug, watching Bull shift. “Teasing's fun but she's gonna get tired of it soon.”

Bull made a short noise in his throat, his amusement mostly gone as he considered the statement. Krem, however, laughed again and finally looked away from Bull's corner and back across the tavern. She didn't know it, but the tiny Inquisitor had Bull wrapped firmly around her finger – even if his sword did have a blood grove.


End file.
